nothing like ambien part 1.

It hits me like heroin. True, I wouldn't know what heroin hits like but when Ambien hits me hard I feel like a junkie looks in a polished Hollywood epic - and they look just like the curl on tip of my smile.

Ambien aficionados, those who swear by the cathartic powers of the drug will report bizarre side effects ranging from an overwhelming craving for fatty foods, a sudden desire to reconnect to lost loved ones, or telepathically conversing with people who aren't in the same room, to finding that a zero gravity chair is no longer to be just a sanctuary for fatigued backs and tired asses in need - but a living breathing bellows, to feeling invincible, overly confident and capable of acheiving elusive goals ... swimming, using a body only conditioned well enough to walk the distance of the wading area to attempt swimming the 100 meter butterfly, carpe diem, being born again, I'm a child, birthed by a mind meld between a warm, cobalt sky in tandem with a back flip.

Chairs breathe. Computers breathe. A hanging towel in a bathroom inhales once slowly. Then just as slowly it softly, coyly, exhales a dopamine rush command. The first time my living room chair breathed was one of those breathtaking split seconds caught between fear and shock and holy divination. Like fatty food amplifies the effect of this drug, certain bands and sounds also intensify and prolong the high. Ambien tripping isn't for everyone. Like any drug, it messes with your mind to the degree of mental weight carried at the time you drop. I don't recommend Ambien tripping for those just off a bad relationship or anyone with a bad FICO score - unless you're a professional self loather and, for personal or religious reasons, absolutely insist on obsessing over your credit rating. I speak from personal experience.

Ambien is a muscle relaxer, too. It's a powerful multi-use drug. In my opinion it shouldn't be given out freely. Nevertheless KAISER is a terrific organization if you're looking for physicians who freely (and in my opinion irresponsibly) dole out your poison. If you're the type who doesn't torment over morals or ethics then for you there are a few key words, subtle suggestions, and stratagem to obtain relief: Ambien, Soma, Valium, to name The Three. For powdered Dilaudid you may need to arrange for badly broken leg.

"I've been feeling so anxious lately, for weeks. I'm trying some deep breathing but I'm still having a very hard time getting to bed. My neighbors do things above me with power tools. I think they're adding a nursery - and they're not married either!"

Translated: I'm writing a blog post but I feel bone dry. I need a hit.

"We just broke up. She took the cat ... I really loved that cat, too. I want to adopt my own but the grief and sadness seem insurmountable. Is having a hard time breathing over a period of a week or so considered anxiety?"

Translated: Xanax is good stuff. Would you be so kind?

"I used to swim competitively. Ok, like 15 years ago. I swam the 100 butterfly this morning at 3am, hopped up on Ambien. It's the only thing that takes the edge off the shoulder injuries. Anyway I sprained a few mucles around the thoracic, atlas, and a few muscles elsewhere. Never again. I spent 3 hours in the ER and they gave me this bland flexiril stuff"

Translated: I'm in a lot of pain. I understand Soma is great for muscle spasms - and it's one of the few drugs of its kind that do not make you feel like a drooling mental patient. 3 days of this stuff and I'm due for something a bit less depressing. I don't want to sleep 20 hours at a time. Soma. Can I try that? that Flexiril stuff put me in a bad space. Look at my back? see how the right scapula is so obviously, clearly sitting higher than the left, still? I'm having a spasm.

"Is it normal to feel like you're suffocating whenever you're done grocery shopping? - really, is that normal? It starts off quietly enough and then BAM it's as though black, hard talons are coming at my throat...like in that movie Aliens. I was fine until those two guys in black masks started appearing on the hood of my car, holding an Amway name badge with my name printed on the thing. Of course I'm just teasing about the hoods and talons. But if you were an artist then what I just said wouldn't seem so alarming, in context of course-it's about context-you know, the Alien stuff. Context; mine, not yours. As an academic, you might just say to your colleagues: 'I've been experiencing some rather interesting somatic episodes; perhaps this evening we can convene at Starbucks to discuss this in a more intimate setting'. We, you know artists, we just phrase things in a more unique context ..."

Translated: I'm not crazy. I'm a shrewd functional junkie. I only need a sample, really. Thank you. Yes, of course doctor, I will certainly call you if any of this persists. Always do.

I think I'm getting closer to spilling my blood all over the internet, where it belongs, safely away from the few people whose feelings might be wronged. When it happens, I honestly don't give a fuck if you or mother Mary find it offensive.

posted july 22 2am, i'm almost sure of it